When I was at my worst I would spend my days laying in my bed. As I lay there I often told myself that if I ever got through what I was going through, I would tell my story. I would help others not have to go what I went through. I remember searching for hope, anything I could hang my hat on that I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of my life like this. In bed, struggling with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.
I remember going to the bookstore, looking for anything that could help. I read all the self help books. I tried to self diagnose, but ran into dead ends everywhere. What I was really looking for was hope. I wanted to read something where someone had struggled like I had and got through it. That came out the other side triumphant and victorious. Sadly I found nothing. It was so disheartening and I felt I was doomed to a life of feeling the way I felt. I told myself that if I ever got better I would tell my story so that if someone was like me, fighting everyday just to get out of bed they would have something to hold on to. Some form of hope that they too could do it and get better.
I’m here to tell you that I am better, a lot better. I live an amazing life. Happy and healthy. It took a lot of work, and there were some very hard days. Days where I thought I would never be the same, days where I wanted to end my life. Through all that darkness, through all that pain, I am telling you that I did come out the other side. I’m here, I’m alive, I’m fighting. Is everyday a fantasy? Not at all. However I have so many more good days than bad now. I’m happy to be here, sharing my story.
I know you can do this, I know you can get better. You know why? Because I was able to do it. I was you at one point, struggling, fighting, not wanting to go on. It took me 6 therapists before I found one that could help me. I kept searching and when I got discouraged, I would search some more.
I am telling you don’t give up, there is help, there is hope. It’s out there. Don’t stop looking, and when you think nobody cares, I want you to know that I care. I want you here alive and healthy. You are valued and you are worthy.
You can do this. Take a leap of faith.…
I’ve got you.